Death of a pet

Waiting for her treat

Evan drew this for Liz

My sister Liz had to put her cat Callie to sleep today. She was this funny pigeon-toed calico that sounded like a human baby when she cried. She also would sit on the scale in the bathroom when it was time for her treat. It was the funniest thing because she was so big and thought the scale was a good place to eat! She was fat and fluffy and Evan just adored her. She has been sick for a few weeks now-not eating, losing weight, running a fever, etc. Today it was time to stop her suffering and while Liz knew this, it was still a hard decision for her to make. I don't wish that decision on anyone-we've been through it with our cat Phoebe. Evan knew Callie was sick and we even saw her Monday and were stunned at the change in her physically. Evan was able to hold her though and she purred and purred. It was so hard to tell him today that she had died. He cried on and off for about 3 hours. He doesn't really remember Phoebe and has memories of Mom and Dad's dog Gypsy who died when he was four but this loss hit him very hard and it then in turn hit ME hard because he's just been so sad tonight. He believes she's in heaven with Grandpa, Gypsy, Phoebe and Cathy's cat Mika and that Grandpa is taking care of all of them. Of course I believe it too. :)

Not so bad

Today was one of those days at work when I thought to myself, hmmm, our journey there with Evan wasn't so bad. I met a mom today whose sweet little baby boy is dealing with cancer. Yes, cancer at 14 days old. Chemo will be starting soon. The baby has already had surgery to remove part of the tumor, a kidney and an adrenal gland. This took place when he was 7 days old. This child needs chemo for God's sake. She'll have to go back to work before he comes home and they live almost 2 hours away. How do you leave your baby who is fighting cancer? Yes, our journey wasn't so bad after all.

Letter from my dad

As I was looking for something else, I came across this letter that my dad wrote before he died-he never got to finish it but what he did write touched me deeply and I haven't read it since right after he died. I've been thinking about him alot lately, wishing he was here to talk to.

Dear Family,
First of all, Liz and Cathy, Jay and Kate, Annie and Mike, as I near death I'm happy that you have all have found each other and love each other. I have never considered you as in-laws, but as my own son and daughters.

My grandsons Jack, Sam and Evan. I want you to know that I loved you before you were born. You boys have a great opportunity in life. You are deeply loved by your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and they are your immediate family and will always support you. "What do you want to be"? is probably the most asked question of young people. My advice to you on this question is: follow the voice in your head and heart that tells you what you want to do with your life. Do that and you will be happy and contented men. Your parents have provided the moral and educational background for you to succeed in following your dreams. I hope that your careers will be rewarding to you so that on paydays you'll think "wow, they are paying me to do this work that I love so much"!

The Scout oath, the Golden Rule, the Ten Commandments and the teachings of Jesus Christ are the best guidelines for living your life that I know of. Of all the great philosophers in the world, the teachings of Jesus on love, compassion and justice, forgiveness and mercy have guided my adult life and for the most part have kept me out of big trouble!! When I was in OCS three times a days as we stood at attention in front the mess hall there were three words painted on the building that I have used in my thinking and actions. The words were Duty, Honor and Country.

You all know I was born in Muncy PA in my grandma's home. I moved to Montgomery with my mother and went grades 1-12 there. Believe it or not, I played football and basketball and had parts in the junior and senior class plays, While in high school I worked and thought I wanted to be a pharmacist. I was accepted at Univ. of Pitt School of Pharmacy and stayed two years. After realizing pharmacy was not for me, I dropped out of school..................

That was all he wrote before he died. I wish he could of finished it. For those of you who didn't know my dad, he joined the Army, became a paratrooper, went to Germany, met my mom there (she was a teacher at an American school), came back to the States, got his B.S. from Pitt, went to UB for his Masters and PhD and ended up as an associate professor at OSU from 1972 to 1995.

Oh, and the picture above is of our honey locust tree. My dad gave that to us when we got married in 1999 as a little sapling. It's a descendant of the tree Lincoln stood under when he gave the Gettysburg Address. Little thing just hasn't grown the way it should but I love it anyhow.

I'm so tired of it!

Evan is sick yet again. A month ago it was strep. A couple weeks ago it was a high fever for two days straight (school was afraid it was swine flu). Now, he's had what I thought was just a cold since the weekend but he's sounding more and more like it might be a sinus infection. Fever tonight. Horrible cough. He hasn't been sick so much since he was a baby/toddler and had the trach. We were battling constant infections then. I feel bad for him and I feel bad for myself 'cause I don't want to get sick!!

I did it!

My friend Carolyn convinced me that for our birthdays (46 and 45 within the same week), we should walk the Capital City Half Marathon. We walk alot together but I can safely say our weekly walks are NOT 13 miles! So, we signed up in March and yesterday was the day. We did it! Not only did we finish, but we finished in 3 hours, 20 minutes and 35 seconds, alot faster than I ever thought we would. I honestly thought I would not be able to get out of bed today but really? I feel great. We've already decided to do the half at the Columbus Marathon in Oct. and I'm going to sign up this week. I am so proud of us. :)

Our weekend

Was very busy! Most of Saturday was spent at school for the PTA carnival (fun but alot of work) and then Sunday we participated in the March of Dimes March for Babies walk. This was my first year and I was very surprised by just how many people took part. I also found that I got a bit emotional (Mike too). Two things really got to me. One, the number of t-shirts and posters from teams who were walking for a little one who was born and died on the same day. Two, seeing Evan in the mobile ICU ambulance with members of the transport team and knowing that he rode in one the day he was born and he was in the incubator that on Sunday was holding a teddy bear. The transport nurses there at the walk were so kind and I thought, they took care of my baby and they made sure he made it to Children's safely. It brought tears to my eyes.

So, if that weren't enough, we then went to Evan's first piano recital Sunday afternoon. He played 3 songs and of course I had the camera on pause instead of record when he played his longest and most difficult piece! Oh well. He did such a great job and he wasn't nervous at all. AT ALL!! I couldn't believe it. So, I got teary again. What else is new, right? :) I'm a sap when it comes to my boy.

Treasures

In my attempt yet again to clean Evan's room, I realized that many of his "treasures" are things that belonged to my dad. His ID badge from OSU, a photo of him from the '60s in his lab, Misha the Bear, the Olympic mascot from the 1980 Olympics (US boycotted these games but my parents went to the Soviet Union in 1980 and picked this up) and my dad's box. This box was on my dad's dresser ever since I was a little girl. So now it's Evan's treasure box. He has a few other things of my dad's in it. I am so thankful that Evan had a relationship with my father and while he was only 4 1/2 when Dad died, he really remembers him and grieves for him at times but knows and acknowledges what a special man he was. It warms my heart to know that all these things mean something to Evan and probably will forever.