My fear

Ever since my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001, I've had this overwhelming fear that I too will be diagnosed with the disease.  I have been getting mammograms for about 10 years now and on two different occasions I have received that dreaded letter from OSU that says we need you to come back and get additional imaging.  They've always explained that it's because my breasts are dense and the radiologist isn't seeing anything in particular but he just needs a different view by getting additional compressions than a normal mammogram.  On those occasions, the radiologist has read them while I'm still there and on both occasions will come out and say I'm free to go.  This time was different.  I went in for my regular mammogram on May 25th.While in D.C.the following week for a conference, I had a voicemail from my doctor's office telling me I needed to go back in for additional images and a possible ultrasound.  I had a feeling it wasn't for the same reason as before.  When I got home, I made my appointment for June 15th.  A couple days before my appointment, my doctor's office called yet again (something they've never done) to see if I had been back yet and if not, when was my appointment.  During this call, they told me to be ready not only for a possible ultrasound, but a possible biopsy as well.  WHAT??  That really made me nervous.  

June 15th arrives and I went in first thing in the morning.  They took me back for the additional imaging and the tech's language was very different than before.  She said the radiologist wanted a look at a certain area so at that point I really knew things were different than before.  I went back to the waiting room and a few minutes later the tech came out and said an ultrasound was needed.  Gulp.  So, tears fill my eyes and my mind immediately went to the worse case scenario.  I didn't think of myself-I thought of Evan.  At that point, I wished I had taken my mom up on her offer to come to the appointment with me!  The good thing is that they didn't keep me waiting too long before the ultrasound.  After it was over, the tech had me stay in the room until she showed the results to the radiologist. Those few minutes were the longest of my life.  She came back in and said that the radiologist feels that what they were looking at is benign because it's cyst-like in structure.  Wait, what?  You FEEL it's benign?  Then I get a letter from OSU that states it APPEARS it's benign.  I'm not sure I feel 100% comfortable with their choice of words!  So, I'm to go back in 6 months for another ultrasound.  That seems like an awfully long time to look again at something they feel is benign.  Deep breath.........

The end of 5th grade

Evan "graduated" from 5th grade on May 31st.  The day before they had their last awards ceremony.  After crying through all his honor roll awards, you can imagine my surprise when the principal awarded her All-Star Principal award to Evan.  She gives it to one 5th grader each year.  Before she said his name, she talked about how this student is smart, kind, honest and an all around good person.  I am so very proud of him. 

All that kept going through my mind those two days were all the things the doctors told us during Evan's first couple years.  One told us he may never eat by mouth.  One told us he may never have a voice.  Another said we should probably make an appointment with physical medicine to fit him for a wheelchair since he wasn't walking at 18 months.  Well, at the 5th grade dinner at Spaghetti Warehouse, Evan ate a huge piece of lasagna.  He gave a speech at the 5th grade advancement ceremony.  He walked up to receive his awards. Need I say more?