Scars

A couple weeks ago I posted a devotion that a fellow TEF/EA mom had written about the scars on her daughter's body. I have always told Evan that his scars are a special part of him.  Without those scars, he would not be with us today. I love the way the mom said it in the devotion.  Her daughter's scars  are reminders that God was able to help the doctors heal her. The scars are proof that she is loved. I truly believe that as well.  God was with Dr. Teich, the man who saved my baby's life the day he was born and 13 days after when he repaired his esophagus.  God was with Dr. Cotton, the man who was able to reconstruct Evan's airway when he was 18 months old so that he could breathe through his nose and mouth like everyone else. God was with Dr. Popp, the man who was able to remove his extra thumb when he was just a year old. Whether or not the physicians themselves believe in God, I know that God has given them the gift of healing.

I asked Evan if he would mind if I took photos of his scars.  He thought about for a minute and said that I could.  I just wanted to document the proof that he is loved.

My perfect boy

 The trach and reconstruction scar

 The scar down the middle was made the day he was born-part of the surgery needed to put in a feeding tube.  The little one to the right is where the tube was for 3 1/2 years

 Tiny little scars from all the IVs he's had over the years

The area where Dr. Cotton took cartilage from his ribcage to help create an airway for him

 His thoracotomy scar, right at the shoulder blade. It runs horizontal from front to back. This was made at 13 days old when they repaired his esophagus.  The puckered scar is from a chest tube

Left leg-broviac/PICC line scar

Right leg-PICC/broviac 

Right hand where his extra thumb was removed



Here's what I hate

I hate having to wait for the results of a mammogram for 2 reasons.  One, because Mom had breast cancer.  Two, because I've had to go back on two different occasions in the recent past to get additional films done.  I hate getting the letter from OSU telling me I need to make another appointment.  Scares the crap out of me.  So, today was my yearly mammogram.  Now I wait.

Oh, I also hate people that drive across a parking lot rather than go up the designated aisle like the rest of us.  I feel like I have to always to be on the lookout for the asshats that speed through the lot because they don't give a shit and don't bother to look and see if they are going to hit anyone.

A Special Gift

I got this book the year that Evan was born.  Read it over and over again those first couple years and ever since then, it has been been on my nightstand.  I thought of a couple moms at the hospital that might like this as we've had some conversations about faith and prayer.  As I took it from the nightstand, I noticed that I had turned down the corners of quite a few pages. One devotion in particular brought me to tears.  Well, most of them did, but this one stood out because it is very relevant to what I've been struggling with lately.

Scars As Reminders

Quiana is ten years old now.  She has begun asking her mother about the scars that cross her body, both on her chest and on her back. The scars are deep and long. They are not beautiful. They have been there since the day of her birth. 

Quiana had been born with a rare and not fully understood condition where the bottom of her esophagus was attached to her trachea, a "mix-up" in the tubing.  As a result food would go to Quiana's lungs.  This condition (known as TEF/EA) occurs in only 1 in 5,000 births.  In an attempt to save her life, Quiana had her first surgery within twelve hours of birth. She has had four more surgeries since then.  There is a possibility that she will have more during her lifetime.

The scars were incurred during surgeries that saved her life.  Some are the result of the feeding tubes and drainage tubes she had to have for a time.  Quiana's mother tells her daughter that the scars do not make her different from other children, but they are reminders that God was able to help the doctors heal her.  The scars are proof that she is loved.

Jesus bears scars too.  His scars are the result of His death on the cross for us.  The scars mark His feet and His side and His hands.  They were put there by the nails that held Him to the cross.  They were placed by the spear that pierced His side.  They are constant reminders of His great love for us.

There is a significant difference between the scars on Quiana and those on the hands and feet of our Lord: Quiana's scars are the result of doctors saving her life; Jesus' scars are the result of Him saving ours.

Picture the palm of His hands.  Those wounds into which Thomas was invited to place his hands are still there.  Look closely and see the that the scars are not in the shape of the nails.  They are in the form of letters.  They are the letters of your name.  They are the letters of your child's name.  The Lord has inscribed your names permanently on His hands.  He has carved them deeply into His heart, and He will never, ever forget you.

Prayer:  Lord, You have inscribed me into the palm of Your hand.  You hold my child and me in those capable and scarred hands.  Help me to rest in that security today.  Help me to see the scars on my child and on my heart as reminders of Your deep concern and love.

Copyright 2000 Carrie T. Gruman-Trinkner

Evan has 8 more days of 4th grade.  Then he will be in 5th. Then we will be gone from the safety of Colerain Elementary and into the scary world of middle school. Right now Evan is surrounded by friends and classmates who love him and accept him just the way he is, scars and all. I'm just not so sure that the kids in middle school will be so accepting and it scares me to death. Evan is so confident right now and my fear is that he'll lose that if there is any bullying.  That would probably kill me.  I have to remember that He holds Evan in those capable and scarred hands.