Monday, March 7, 2016
March 7, 2001
So, throughout Evan's entire NICU stay, all we wanted was for him to be discharged so we could start out our life together as a family. So, when I entered the NICU on Wednesday March 7th, 2001, I thought we'd have a couple more weeks there based on what we were told by the medical team 1-2 days prior to that. When I left the NICU that night, I left with the news that our baby would be coming home less than 48 hours later. Was I happy? No. I was leaving the pumping room and was met by two staff members. Keep in mind this was about 4:30 p.m. They greeted me with the words that Evan was going home on Friday! I guess I was supposed to be excited but trust me, I was not. We had just had our trach training the night before, we had NO medical equipment nor training on it and mentally, I just wasn't ready. I was just starting to wrap my brain around the trach which had just been placed 10 days prior. We had been told we could stay overnight prior to his discharge and we weren't even going to have time to that. The nursery wasn't totally ready for this baby who needed equipment that would turn his room into a hospital room. I remember going out to the lobby and calling Mike, crying hysterically over this news. I was supposed to feel excited and ready for his homecoming, not sick to my stomach and unprepared. So, on Thursday, we waited for the durable medical equipment company to come bring us all of our supplies and equipment and receive what I felt like was the Cliff Notes version of how to use the feeding pump, air compressor, suction machine, oxygen and apnea monitor. Thank God Mike was a little more calm than I was because when that guy left our house, I had no idea of what I was suppose to do with everything and more importantly, where were all the supplies even suppose to go?? Friday morning was spent at the phone store buying a cellphone for use in the car when he was with us, learning how to administer all his meds and getting instructions on his feeds. Did we have any training on the g-tube and how to change it? Uh, no, we did not. We were sent home with the kit and that was it. By 12:30 he was in the car, going home with us-his scared, somewhat sad and unprepared parents. What kind of homecoming was that??
Friday, February 26, 2016
Tears
Today I cried tears of joy. Today Evan showed his history project video to the judges during the school's history competition. I was already proud of the work he had put into it but then while I stood back and watched him interact with the judges, I was blown away. I spoke with his Humanities teachers and they told me how well received his video was by his class and how they could tell this project has made him so much more confident. One of the peer judges came to me and told me how good it was. Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine this back on February 26th, 2001.
https://youtu.be/S148SwtbwOU
Monday, January 18, 2016
Getting rid of plans
I cut this out of Oprah's magazine shortly after Evan was born because it was so true at that time. It was hard to get rid of those plans, but the life that was waiting was more than I could have ever imagined.
On January 17th, 2001, I knew nothing about esophageal atresia, laryngeal webs,trachs, GJ tubes, laryngotracheal reconstuction, slide tracheoplasty, reflux, voice clinic, bronchoscopies, endoscopies and the NICU. As of 11:41 a.m. on January 18th, 2001, my world became nothing but all those things. Without all those things, Evan would not be here with us today. Do I wish he had been born in March as planned as a healthy, typical baby? Absolutely not. Because he would not be the young man that he is today. He is quiet, smart, funny, and he's confident in who he is, something that I struggled with all through high school and probably something I still struggle with today. He's also very brave. He's been through so much yet he takes it all in stride. Would he be the same young man if he hadn't gone through all these hardships? I don't think so. Not only would he not be the same person he is today, I wouldn't be either. As a result of all those medical things I listed above, I have met some extraordinary parents, people that I am proud to call friends. People that held me up and helped me through the hard times. People that get it. I've seen God perform miracles over and over again with my work in the NICU. How many people get to witness that day after day? I'm so lucky.
On January 17th, 2001, I knew nothing about esophageal atresia, laryngeal webs,trachs, GJ tubes, laryngotracheal reconstuction, slide tracheoplasty, reflux, voice clinic, bronchoscopies, endoscopies and the NICU. As of 11:41 a.m. on January 18th, 2001, my world became nothing but all those things. Without all those things, Evan would not be here with us today. Do I wish he had been born in March as planned as a healthy, typical baby? Absolutely not. Because he would not be the young man that he is today. He is quiet, smart, funny, and he's confident in who he is, something that I struggled with all through high school and probably something I still struggle with today. He's also very brave. He's been through so much yet he takes it all in stride. Would he be the same young man if he hadn't gone through all these hardships? I don't think so. Not only would he not be the same person he is today, I wouldn't be either. As a result of all those medical things I listed above, I have met some extraordinary parents, people that I am proud to call friends. People that held me up and helped me through the hard times. People that get it. I've seen God perform miracles over and over again with my work in the NICU. How many people get to witness that day after day? I'm so lucky.
Friday, January 15, 2016
15 years ago.......
15 years ago today, our journey into the world of prematurity, birth defects and the NICU was beginning, even though we didn't know it yet. I had been on home bed rest since Dec. 27th and that morning Mike and I went to my ob/gyn's office for a stress test and to turn in my 24 hr protein test. Stress test was fine, BP was somewhat under control (this is why I was off work and at home) and they said they'd let me know about the test results. They needed to check the protein in my urine as it's an indicator of the severity of pre-eclampsia.
Once I was back home, my parents came and picked me up to take me to their house so I could get a change of scenery. I couldn't drive and was going crazy at home. I mean crazy. I had watched every single episode of "A Baby Story" on TLC and of course while watching, thought Evan's birth would be just like on TV. Ha!! I have to say, while it was boring to be at home, it was stressful. I had to take my blood pressure 2-3 times a day as well as lay on my left side once a day and count Evan's movements. I prayed every time I did it that I would feel him move. We went to eat at Dutch Kitchen in Plain City before heading to their house in London-I can tell you exactly where we sat. I hit the couch when I got to their house and took a little nap. I woke up feeling really weird and off. I took my blood pressure and it was 160/110, the highest it had ever been. I was scared and immediately called Mike who then called my doctor. Mike called me back right away with the news that I was to go to the OSU ER right away-Mike would meet us there. I felt so bad that my parents had to drive back into Columbus! It turns out I did elevated protein levels in my urine and my doctor had planned to call ME to tell me to go to the hospital. Obviously my body was starting to let us all know that I needed to deliver the baby.
By the time we got to the ER, my BP was 180/120 which of course is dangerous and they immediately took me up to L & D. Just like that, I was in a gown and they started an IV of magnesium sulfate, something I would be on for the next 5 days. This is something that is used to help control seizures. I'll never forget the resident telling me that I'll feel like I have a bad case of the flu. To this day, I would LOVE to hook him up to this stuff and have him discover that it does NOT make you feel like you have the flu. It makes you feel as though you are paralyzed and that you are on fire from the inside out. And with the flu, you are able to drink and eat if you want to. On this stuff, I could not. Once I was in a room, they catheterized me and I was in that bed for the next 96 hours. To be honest with you, I don't remember much after that. The next two days were a blur. I couldn't watch TV, I couldn't read. I was so miserable. I do remember my mom making the decision to cancel my baby shower which was going to be on the 20th but I figured we'd just have it a couple weeks later. I still didn't really understand that I was going to be delivering my baby prior to his due date in March. It finally hit me when my doctor came in and said my BP wasn't coming down and they had to take the baby. I remember that I started crying and all I could say was that it wasn't time to take the baby. It turned out that we weren't going to meet our baby in March after all. We were going to meet him on January 18th. The doctor kept assuring me that the baby would be fine because I had received steroids shots that would help his lungs and his weight was good. Other than probably a few weeks in the hospital, the baby would be fine. Little did we know.
Once I was back home, my parents came and picked me up to take me to their house so I could get a change of scenery. I couldn't drive and was going crazy at home. I mean crazy. I had watched every single episode of "A Baby Story" on TLC and of course while watching, thought Evan's birth would be just like on TV. Ha!! I have to say, while it was boring to be at home, it was stressful. I had to take my blood pressure 2-3 times a day as well as lay on my left side once a day and count Evan's movements. I prayed every time I did it that I would feel him move. We went to eat at Dutch Kitchen in Plain City before heading to their house in London-I can tell you exactly where we sat. I hit the couch when I got to their house and took a little nap. I woke up feeling really weird and off. I took my blood pressure and it was 160/110, the highest it had ever been. I was scared and immediately called Mike who then called my doctor. Mike called me back right away with the news that I was to go to the OSU ER right away-Mike would meet us there. I felt so bad that my parents had to drive back into Columbus! It turns out I did elevated protein levels in my urine and my doctor had planned to call ME to tell me to go to the hospital. Obviously my body was starting to let us all know that I needed to deliver the baby.
By the time we got to the ER, my BP was 180/120 which of course is dangerous and they immediately took me up to L & D. Just like that, I was in a gown and they started an IV of magnesium sulfate, something I would be on for the next 5 days. This is something that is used to help control seizures. I'll never forget the resident telling me that I'll feel like I have a bad case of the flu. To this day, I would LOVE to hook him up to this stuff and have him discover that it does NOT make you feel like you have the flu. It makes you feel as though you are paralyzed and that you are on fire from the inside out. And with the flu, you are able to drink and eat if you want to. On this stuff, I could not. Once I was in a room, they catheterized me and I was in that bed for the next 96 hours. To be honest with you, I don't remember much after that. The next two days were a blur. I couldn't watch TV, I couldn't read. I was so miserable. I do remember my mom making the decision to cancel my baby shower which was going to be on the 20th but I figured we'd just have it a couple weeks later. I still didn't really understand that I was going to be delivering my baby prior to his due date in March. It finally hit me when my doctor came in and said my BP wasn't coming down and they had to take the baby. I remember that I started crying and all I could say was that it wasn't time to take the baby. It turned out that we weren't going to meet our baby in March after all. We were going to meet him on January 18th. The doctor kept assuring me that the baby would be fine because I had received steroids shots that would help his lungs and his weight was good. Other than probably a few weeks in the hospital, the baby would be fine. Little did we know.
Monday, November 2, 2015
The Alphabet of Happiness
A-Accept Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives or actions.
B-Break Away Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
C-Create Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows and happiness with.
D-Decide Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.
E-Explore Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.
F-Forgive Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar about it and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
G-Grow Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.
H-Hope Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.
I-Ignore Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.
J-Journey Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day and you'll grow.
K-Know Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.
L-Love Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.
M-Manage Manage your time and your expenses wisely and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.
N-Notice Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.
O-Open Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.
P-Play Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.
Q-Question Ask many questions because you are here to learn.
R-Relax Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.
S-Share Share your talent, skills, knowledge and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.
T-Try Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.
U-Use Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.
V-Value Value the friends and family members who've supported you and encouraged you and be there for them as well.
W-Work Work hard every day to be the best person you can be but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a new opportunity.
X-X-Ray Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.
Y-Yield Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.
Z-Zoom Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams and a brighter tomorrow.
I did not write this but borrowed from the publication, Fraternally Yours.
B-Break Away Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
C-Create Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows and happiness with.
D-Decide Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.
E-Explore Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.
F-Forgive Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar about it and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
G-Grow Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.
H-Hope Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.
I-Ignore Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.
J-Journey Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day and you'll grow.
K-Know Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.
L-Love Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.
M-Manage Manage your time and your expenses wisely and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.
N-Notice Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.
O-Open Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.
P-Play Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.
Q-Question Ask many questions because you are here to learn.
R-Relax Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.
S-Share Share your talent, skills, knowledge and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.
T-Try Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.
U-Use Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.
V-Value Value the friends and family members who've supported you and encouraged you and be there for them as well.
W-Work Work hard every day to be the best person you can be but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a new opportunity.
X-X-Ray Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.
Y-Yield Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.
Z-Zoom Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams and a brighter tomorrow.
I did not write this but borrowed from the publication, Fraternally Yours.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
They Are Married!
This past Saturday was one of the happiest days of my life. Truly. My big sister got married. Not only did she get married, but I had the honor and privilege of conducting the ceremony. I have loved Cathy for 14 years and she's been a part of our family for 14 years and to be the one to make it "official" between the two of them was overwhelming. It was a perfect afternoon and evening. We cried and we laughed a lot. It was a wonderful celebration.
My sister is my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, someone I know I will always laugh with and someone I've always looked up to. She is one of the most loving and caring people I know. She's dedicated to her family, her friends and her church and in the past, her country as she's a veteran of the U.S. Air Force. Yet until June 26th, 2015, she was not allowed to marry the person she loves just because she is gay. It didn't matter that she was a hard working citizen who paid her taxes and helped those less fortunate. It didn't matter that she served her country for 8 years. It didn't matter that she served her church in so many different ways. She couldn't get married because she wanted to marry a woman. She loved a woman. That's it. Although she and her now wife had been together for 14 years in a loving, commitment relationship, they could not legally marry. Enough of the negative. I just want to focus on the positive.
One of my favorite parts of the ceremony:
My sister is my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, someone I know I will always laugh with and someone I've always looked up to. She is one of the most loving and caring people I know. She's dedicated to her family, her friends and her church and in the past, her country as she's a veteran of the U.S. Air Force. Yet until June 26th, 2015, she was not allowed to marry the person she loves just because she is gay. It didn't matter that she was a hard working citizen who paid her taxes and helped those less fortunate. It didn't matter that she served her country for 8 years. It didn't matter that she served her church in so many different ways. She couldn't get married because she wanted to marry a woman. She loved a woman. That's it. Although she and her now wife had been together for 14 years in a loving, commitment relationship, they could not legally marry. Enough of the negative. I just want to focus on the positive.
One of my favorite parts of the ceremony:
"We are gathered here today to celebrate the commitment that Cathy Anne Thum and Elizabeth Britt Blakeslee have made together. Their journey began 14 years ago. This day is not the beginning of their marriage, but is a celebration of the recognition of their union and a reaffirmation of their love for each other in the presence of their family-those here today and those that have gone before us."
I love that line. A celebration of the recognition of their union. A union that is finally recognized by the state and this country.
Love is love.
Monday, September 14, 2015
June 26, 2015
As I continue to reflect on the fact that my dad has been gone for 10 years, I have thought quite a bit about how thrilled my dad would have been on June 26th. This was the day that my sister, his daughter whom he loved deeply and accepted with no exceptions, was given the legal right to marry. He'd be even more excited to know that we are going to celebrate their 14 year commitment to one another on Oct. 3rd when they do indeed get married. I know Dad would have loved to have given Liz away just as he did me. He loved and adored Cathy and was so happy that Liz was happy.
I know he'd also get a kick out of the fact that I became ordained and that I'm going to perform the ceremony! I can't wait to be able to join the two of them in marriage. It's a shame that he will miss out of this very special day but I know he will be with us in spirit.
I know he'd also get a kick out of the fact that I became ordained and that I'm going to perform the ceremony! I can't wait to be able to join the two of them in marriage. It's a shame that he will miss out of this very special day but I know he will be with us in spirit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)