My fear

Ever since my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001, I've had this overwhelming fear that I too will be diagnosed with the disease.  I have been getting mammograms for about 10 years now and on two different occasions I have received that dreaded letter from OSU that says we need you to come back and get additional imaging.  They've always explained that it's because my breasts are dense and the radiologist isn't seeing anything in particular but he just needs a different view by getting additional compressions than a normal mammogram.  On those occasions, the radiologist has read them while I'm still there and on both occasions will come out and say I'm free to go.  This time was different.  I went in for my regular mammogram on May 25th.While in D.C.the following week for a conference, I had a voicemail from my doctor's office telling me I needed to go back in for additional images and a possible ultrasound.  I had a feeling it wasn't for the same reason as before.  When I got home, I made my appointment for June 15th.  A couple days before my appointment, my doctor's office called yet again (something they've never done) to see if I had been back yet and if not, when was my appointment.  During this call, they told me to be ready not only for a possible ultrasound, but a possible biopsy as well.  WHAT??  That really made me nervous.  

June 15th arrives and I went in first thing in the morning.  They took me back for the additional imaging and the tech's language was very different than before.  She said the radiologist wanted a look at a certain area so at that point I really knew things were different than before.  I went back to the waiting room and a few minutes later the tech came out and said an ultrasound was needed.  Gulp.  So, tears fill my eyes and my mind immediately went to the worse case scenario.  I didn't think of myself-I thought of Evan.  At that point, I wished I had taken my mom up on her offer to come to the appointment with me!  The good thing is that they didn't keep me waiting too long before the ultrasound.  After it was over, the tech had me stay in the room until she showed the results to the radiologist. Those few minutes were the longest of my life.  She came back in and said that the radiologist feels that what they were looking at is benign because it's cyst-like in structure.  Wait, what?  You FEEL it's benign?  Then I get a letter from OSU that states it APPEARS it's benign.  I'm not sure I feel 100% comfortable with their choice of words!  So, I'm to go back in 6 months for another ultrasound.  That seems like an awfully long time to look again at something they feel is benign.  Deep breath.........

The end of 5th grade

Evan "graduated" from 5th grade on May 31st.  The day before they had their last awards ceremony.  After crying through all his honor roll awards, you can imagine my surprise when the principal awarded her All-Star Principal award to Evan.  She gives it to one 5th grader each year.  Before she said his name, she talked about how this student is smart, kind, honest and an all around good person.  I am so very proud of him. 

All that kept going through my mind those two days were all the things the doctors told us during Evan's first couple years.  One told us he may never eat by mouth.  One told us he may never have a voice.  Another said we should probably make an appointment with physical medicine to fit him for a wheelchair since he wasn't walking at 18 months.  Well, at the 5th grade dinner at Spaghetti Warehouse, Evan ate a huge piece of lasagna.  He gave a speech at the 5th grade advancement ceremony.  He walked up to receive his awards. Need I say more?

The Tuesday Club

My mom will be 85 next month.  Last week she spent two nights with six girlfriends-women she has known since high school.  She traveled to East Aurora NY which is their hometown. One friend came from Colorado, one from South Carolina, one from France via her daughter's in Connecticut and the other two are still in Western NY. Two of the women she has known since 1st grade-can you imagine?  Back in the day they called themselves The Tuesday Club. No reason why.  They just felt their group needed a name! They have had gatherings every few years since the 90s (I think). She was elected to write a Tuesday Club song and my dad came up with this after their gathering in 1998.  I never knew about "the song" until I was driving her home last week.  It made me laugh and cry because she had a perfect recollection of she and Dad driving along and coming up with the words. She said when they sang it last week, they all cried.  My guess is they all knew that this was probably their last hurrah. I can only hope I am lucky enough to have friends for 75 years.  Here are the words:

 





Vet Day 2012

I know I've written about Vet Day before but I'm going to do it again. :-) Friday was Evan's last Vet Day at Colerain.  This is a day when students from the OSU vet college come to Colerain with their personal animals as well as animals from the college.  Every year my heart is a bit heavy when I drop Evan off at school on that day because I think of my dad and I know he would love the fact that his is happening at his grandson's school.  This doesn't happen at any other school.  This year was even harder because we are nearing the end of Evan's time at Colerain so this was his last one.  I can't believe his elementary years are coming to an end.  I remember so clearly the months prior to kindergarten when we struggled to get him into Colerain and finally got word 5 days before school started that he got in.  I'm sad, apprehensive and somewhat scared for him to move onto middle school.  He's ready but I'm not sure I am!  He has grown and thrived at Colerain but sometimes I wonder if I did him a disservice by sending him there. It's such a small, unique school and the group from Colerain will be the smallest one feeding into his middle school.  I'm going to be a mess the month of May as school comes to an end and then I will be a nervous wreck all summer with the anticipation of his transition to middle school.  I think I will need to be medicated!

My Uncle Jim

On February 8th, my sweet Uncle Jim joined many of our other family members in heaven.  The idea of heaven brings me great comfort when a loved one dies. I picture my grandma, my father, Uncle Bob, Uncle Dick, Aunt Kay, Aunt Margie and now Uncle Jim sitting around my grandma's dining room table as they did so many times here on earth.  Uncle Jim was one of a kind.  He was a kind, gentle, sweet soul.  He did so much for others and continued to right up until the end.  He worked with the homeless, he volunteered in the elementary school and helped children with reading, he was always there when help was needed at church.  He gave so much of himself and asked for nothing in return. He was a true Christian.  His memorial service was wonderful tribute to the man he was.  As the minister said over and over again, he was an encourager.  He always had a kind word for everyone he met.  He took a true interest in people. I have so many memories of Uncle Jim.  I wouldn't even know where to start.  I remember when I was 16 and had just gotten my license.   I was down at their house in Cincinnati (where I spent alot of time in the summers) and my cousin Cathy and I wanted to go to the pool.  Uncle Jim gave me permission to take his gold Ford Torino and what did I do?  I scraped it on the garage.  I was so upset but Uncle Jim didn't even bat an eye.  "Accidents happen" he said. When I worked for Great-West Life in the 90s, I spent alot of time in Cincinnati and Northern KY and instead of staying in a hotel, I would stay with Uncle Jim and Aunt Margie.  It was always nice to have a home to go to at the end of a long day rather than a lonely hotel room.  Aunt Margie went to bed fairly early and Uncle Jim was a night owl like me so on my occasions, we would sit and watch TV in comfortable silence or we would talk about books.  We both loved John Sandford books-he writes about a detective named Lucas Davenport and all the book titles have the word "Prey" in them.  I think of Uncle Jim every time a new one comes out. We vacationed together, we spent holidays together, we were family together.

With each death, we lose one more member of an entire generation.  The end of an era. My cousins and I are now considered the older generation.  sigh........

Rest in peace Uncle Jim.  I love you.

 Dad and Uncle Jim 1968

 Dad, cousin Alan and Uncle Jim

My cousin Jim and Uncle Jim, 3 days before he died

If I Was President-Evan Slifer, 2/22/12

Evan's Autobiography